whiskas

CAIN: Now this boy is slain and dead.
Of him I shall never more have dread.
He shall hereafter never eat bread.
With this grass, I shall him hide.

GOD: Cain come forth and answer me
Answer my question anon right
Thy brother Abel, where is he now?
Have done now and answer me full straight.

CAIN: My brother's keeper, who made me?
Since when was I his keeping knight?
I can not tell where that he be,
To keep him was I never dight.
I know not where he is.

Konfuzija
Konfuzija.Sve je tako konfuzno.
U mislima lutam;
Sama, bez icega,
Bez ikoga.

Okrecem se, trazim...
Trazim spas, srecu, ljubav...
Ali ih ne nalazim. Konfuzno.
Gde je zivot moj?

Strah, bol; sreca, spas.
Mesanje emocija, misli.
Suprotnost istine i lazi.
Ja ne postojim. Postoji samo
Konfuzija.

:)

You cannot see nor feel your thoughts. Can you really feel your emotions? How do you feel your emotions? Or are that just more complex thoughts? How are thoughts and emotions connected and how close is that connection?

I am so afraid of getting old. Just the other day, while I was waiting at the bus stop, there was this elderly man who was standing too close to the road itself. It was a rainy day, snow was melting, and the streets were wet and muddy. There was a pond right in front of the old man.. He looked rather poor and was holding a cane in his hand. When the bus came, old man wasn’t quick enough to move away and he got all wet from his back all the way down to his ankles. He got in, looking very confused and lost. I can only imagine the way he must have felt. It’s raining again today. I don’t know whether this entry has anything to do with the feelings that rain evokes in myself. I was on a bus again, coming home, and there was another old man who was in the bus. He came in just one station ahead and didn’t have any place to sit. I got up and he sat on my seat. I observed him for just a while. The look on his face was confusing. It was as if he didn’t feel anything, as if he was empty from the inside. Or as he had some troubles torturing him and he’s not able to do a thing. I never want to end up like them. I never want to get old. I’d rather see myself dead then that old. I’m terrified. Terrified of death.

Human heart can take a lot more suffer than one can imagine.
As I imagine you, hidden behind the shadows of life, I often wander in my own thoughts and think about how lovely you are..the way my fingers touch your delicate skin. I imagine your looks on my face and I wonder what will you be thinking in moments like that one. Will you see me as a whole? Will you see the imperfection that I actually am? Will you like me that way? Can one see beyond the skin and never judge by appearance?
I don’t love myself but yet I adore myself. I often wish I were in someone else’s skin but then I return to the realty that I’m living in and I think of myself as just another human being that is bound to walk these grounds with a purpose just like anyone else. Why am I so different than the others? Perhaps I’m not. Perhaps I just like to think of myself that way. What is my purpose then? Looking now through my life, these 20 years that have passed, I don’t see anything worthy.
I often drift away in my own thoughts. I imagine. My imagination is almost everything I ever had. Therefore I cherish it for it helped me get pass most of the problems that I had. But have I ever had any real problems, so to speak? Here I am now writing these ridiculous lines about myself without even knowing why, without them making any sense to anyone but myself.
I close this entry for today..

ovo je moj prvi blog.. a ja ni ne znam pravo znacenje te reci...
I can't impress, I speak on a whim, all i say is what i feel. If a computer offends, quite possibly we have a microchip instead of a heart. How can a person get angry at words. To imploy diplomacy can only sooth the savage in us.